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| About site: http://www.pet-loss.net/ |
Title: Pets/Loss - Pet Loss Support Articles by Moira Anderson Allen, ordering information for her book, and a directory of pet loss resources.
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Peternal Offers personalized urns, death certificates, memorial candles, and poems.
| Pets_at_Peace Sells urns, photo plaques, keepsake jewelry, and memory chests.
| Rainbow_Bridge_Pet_Illuminations Sells glass luminaries in a variety of designs including breed silhouettes set against a translucent rainbow, personalized memorials, and custom sketches. Includes photos, FAQ, and newsletter sign-up.
| Turkey_Hollow_Pet_Memorials Sells granite markers as well as a variety of styles of brass, ceramic, and wooden urns.
| Acre_Station_Meat_Farm Offers fresh, smoked and seasoning meats, pork and beef sausage, red smoked sausage, prime beef, eastern North Carolina barbeque, and specialty sauces.
| A_J__Cetak\'s_Meat_Market Located in Nebraska. Offers beef steaks, beef and pork sausages, jaternice, head cheese, and ham.
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| Alderfer,_Inc_ Producers of Alderfer, Carson's, Knauss and Schafer's brands of smoked and dried meats. | | All_American_Food_Management Offers beef, pork, lamb, veal, seafood in poultry. In large quantities only. | | Allen_Brothers USDA Prime beef packages, plus poultry and seafood entrees, lamb and veal, pot pies, hors d'oeuvres, and desserts. | | Amana_Meat_Shop_and_Smokehouse Offers pork and beef and gift boxes. | | Anderson_Family_Steaks Beef, pork, lamb and poultry. | | Augustine\'s_Appetite_Gourmet_Food_Specialties Flash frozen, vacuum sealed portioned meats and seafood for the home or business. | | Blue_Valley_Brand Offers steaks, sausages, ham, beef jerky, and bacon. | | Bravo_Steaks Sells a wide variety of meats, pork, poultry and veal. USA. | | Bunn_Family_Gourmet Offers USDA steaks, specialty meat, ham, turkey, bacon, seafood, and gourmet food. | | Busy_Gourmet Offers beef, seafood, and poultry. | | Carousel_Farms Beef and pork cuts from an Iowa family farm. | | Chitlins2Go Hand-cleaned frozen chitlins, beef or pork hot links, and barbecue sauce, from the Moo and Oink stores in Chicago, Illinois. | | Colorado_Prime_Foods Order a variety of meat such as beef, pork, poultry, Italian food, seafood, desserts and side dishes. Phone order. USA. | | Consumers_Packing_Company Meat packager and reseller of prime beef, pork and lamb chops. | | Cooper\'s_Meat_Market Shipping grain fed beef, seafood, appetizers, lamb, pork veal and exotic meats. Registration is required to complete online orders. | | Country_Smokehouse_Meat_Market Sells smoked beef, pork, poultry, lamb, veal, and deli foods. | | Creativefood_Net Features steaks, pork and chicken items. | | Cusack_Wholesale_Meat_Co_ Offers lamb, pork, certified Angus beef, and smoked meats. | | Diamond_Meat_Company Offers a variety of beef, chicken, pork, and seafood. USA. | | Edgeley_Meat Sausages, marinated steaks and pork chops, bacon, hamburger and head cheese. Located in Edgeley, North Dakota. | | Elite_Steaks_\'N\'_Chops Offers steaks and meats, seafoods, and fine foods. USA. | | Embotits_Artesans_Monts Located in Spain. Offers catalan ,venison, wild boar, horsemeat and other sausage, bacon, ham, pate, and cured horsemeat. | | The_Farmers_Diner Sells locally raised turkeys, hams, sausages, bacon and cheeses from Vermont. | | Finger_Lakes_Gourmet Offers a variety of meats and poultry such as buffalo, natural and Angus beef, ostrich, quail, and turkey. USA. | | Golden_Trophy_Steaks Aged steaks, certified Angus beef, lamb and pork chops. Entrees for personal fine dining or send as gifts. Celebrity chef recipes and free email reminders. | | Gourmet_Ranch Sterling Silver brand beef and pork, Vienna beef, appetizers, soups and desserts. | | Great_Tasting_Meat From Cheshire, England. Offers traditionally butchered and hung, outdoor reared pork, lamb, beef, mince, and sausage. | | Heartland_Steaks Certified Angus beef, pork, lamb, veal and poultry. | | Heavenly_Ham Specializes in ham, turkey and lunch items. | | Hi-way_Meats Offers a selection of steaks, sausages and beef. | | Hoffman\'s_Meats Steaks, ham, turkey, burgers, bacon and pork chops. | | Holmen_Meat_Market Pork, beef, cheeses, and preserves. | | Iowa_Steak_Company Offers steaks, seafood, chicken and pork. | | IowaBeef_com Online shopping for USDA Choice beef and pork. | | Jay\'s_Market_Place Cajun meats and sausages, Olive salad, Muffuletta and Cuban sandwiches, and Tabasco sauce. | | Karl_Ehmer Offering a wide variety of cuts to choose from. | | King_Food_Service,_Inc_ White meat specialists. Poultry, seafood, pork and specialty items. Wholesale and retail; online shopping. | | Kunzler_and_Company,_Inc_ Offering Pennsylvania Dutch scrapple, wood smoked ham and bacon, Lebanon sweet bologna, and online mail order steak. Also German food recipes including honey baked ham recipe. | | Kwik_Gourmet Offers angus beef steaks, plus seafood, lamb, veal, pork, and poultry. | | Larry\'s_Specialty_Meats Offers honey glazed ham and chicken and turkey breasts, steaks, and seasonings. |
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Pet Loss Support Page
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HOME ·
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Emotions of Pet Loss ·
Defining "Quality of Life" · Pre-Loss Bereavement · Surviving Loss ·
Conquering Guilt ·
Creating a Memorial ·
Euthanasia: The Most Painful Decision ·
The Final Farewell ·
Do Pets Go to Heaven? ·
Getting a New Pet ·
Send in the Clones? ·
Some Questions on Loss
Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet
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Ten Tips on Coping with Pet Loss
by Moira Anderson Allen, M.Ed.
Anyone who considers a pet a beloved friend, companion, or
family member knows the intense pain that accompanies the loss
of that friend. Following are some tips on coping with that grief,
and with the difficult decisions one faces upon the loss of a
pet.
1. Am I crazy to hurt so much?
Intense grief over the loss of a pet is normal and natural.
Don't let anyone tell you that it's silly, crazy, or overly sentimental
to grieve!
During the years you spent with your pet (even if they were
few), it became a significant and constant part of your life.
It was a source of comfort and companionship, of unconditional
love and acceptance, of fun and joy. So don't be surprised if
you feel devastated by the loss of such a relationship.
People who don't understand the pet/owner bond may not understand
your pain. All that matters, however, is how you feel. Don't
let others dictate your feelings: They are valid, and may be
extremely painful. But remember, you are not alone: Thousands
of pet owners have gone through the same feelings.
2. What Can I Expect to Feel?
Different people experience grief in different ways. Besides
your sorrow and loss, you may also experience the following emotions:
Guilt may occur if you feel responsible for your pet's
death-the "if only I had been more careful" syndrome.
It is pointless and often erroneous to burden yourself with guilt
for the accident or illness that claimed your pet's life, and
only makes it more difficult to resolve your grief.
Denial makes it difficult to accept that your pet
is really gone. It's hard to imagine that your pet won't greet
you when you come home, or that it doesn't need its evening meal.
Some pet owners carry this to extremes, and fear their pet is
still alive and suffering somewhere. Others find it hard to get
a new pet for fear of being "disloyal" to the old.
Anger may be directed at the illness that killed your
pet, the driver of the speeding car, the veterinarian who "failed"
to save its life. Sometimes it is justified, but when carried
to extremes, it distracts you from the important task of resolving
your grief.
Depression is a natural consequence of grief, but
can leave you powerless to cope with your feelings. Extreme depression
robs you of motivation and energy, causing you to dwell upon
your sorrow.
3. What can I do about my feelings?
The most important step you can take is to be honest about
your feelings. Don't deny your pain, or your feelings of anger
and guilt. Only by examining and coming to terms with your feelings
can you begin to work through them.
You have a right to feel pain and grief! Someone you loved
has died, and you feel alone and bereaved. You have a right to
feel anger and guilt, as well. Acknowledge your feelings first,
then ask yourself whether the circumstances actually justify
them.
Locking away grief doesn't make it go away. Express it. Cry,
scream, pound the floor, talk it out. Do what helps you the most.
Don't try to avoid grief by not thinking about your pet; instead,
reminisce about the good times. This will help you understand
what your pet's loss actually means to you.
Some find it helpful to express their feelings and memories
in poems, stories, or letters to the pet. Other strategies including
rearranging your schedule to fill in the times you would have
spent with your pet; preparing a memorial such as a photo collage;
and talking to others about your loss.
4. Who can I talk to?
If your family or friends love pets, they'll understand what
you're going through. Don't hide your feelings in a misguided
effort to appear strong and calm! Working through your feelings
with another person is one of the best ways to put them in perspective
and find ways to handle them. Find someone you can talk to about
how much the pet meant to you and how much you miss it-someone
you feel comfortable crying and grieving with.
If you don't have family or friends who understand, or if
you need more help, ask your veterinarian or humane association
to recommend a pet loss counselor or support group. Check with
your church or hospital for grief counseling. Remember, your
grief is genuine and deserving of support.
5. When is the right time to euthanize a pet?
Your veterinarian is the best judge of your pet's physical
condition; however, you are the best judge of the quality of
your pet's daily life. If a pet has a good appetite, responds
to attention, seeks its owner's company, and participates in
play or family life, many owners feel that this is not the time.
However, if a pet is in constant pain, undergoing difficult and
stressful treatments that aren't helping greatly, unresponsive
to affection, unaware of its surroundings, and uninterested in
life, a caring pet owner will probably choose to end the beloved
companion's suffering.
Evaluate your pet's health honestly and unselfishly with your
veterinarian. Prolonging a pet's suffering in order to prevent
your own ultimately helps neither of you. Nothing can make this
decision an easy or painless one, but it is truly the final act
of love that you can make for your pet.
6. Should I stay during euthanasia?
Many feel this is the ultimate gesture of love and comfort
you can offer your pet. Some feel relief and comfort themselves
by staying: They were able to see that their pet passed peacefully
and without pain, and that it was truly gone. For many, not witnessing
the death (and not seeing the body) makes it more difficult to
accept that the pet is really gone. However, this can be traumatic,
and you must ask yourself honestly whether you will be able to
handle it. Uncontrolled emotions and tears-though natural-are
likely to upset your pet.
Some clinics are more open than others to allowing the owner
to stay during euthanasia. Some veterinarians are also willing
to euthanize a pet at home. Others have come to an owner's car
to administer the injection. Again, consider what will be least
traumatic for you and your pet, and discuss your desires and
concerns with your veterinarian. If your clinic is not able to
accommodate your wishes, request a referral.
7. What do I do next?
When a pet dies, you must choose how to handle its remains.
Sometimes, in the midst of grief, it may seem easiest to leave
the pet at the clinic for disposal. Check with your clinic to
find out whether there is a fee for such disposal. Some shelters
also accept such remains, though many charge a fee for disposal.
If you prefer a more formal option, several are available.
Home burial is a popular choice, if you have sufficient property
for it. It is economical and enables you to design your own funeral
ceremony at little cost. However, city regulations usually prohibit
pet burials, and this is not a good choice for renters or people
who move frequently.
To many, a pet cemetery provides a sense of dignity, security,
and permanence. Owners appreciate the serene surroundings and
care of the gravesite. Cemetery costs vary depending on the services
you select, as well as upon the type of pet you have. Cremation
is a less expensive option that allows you to handle your pet's
remains in a variety of ways: bury them (even in the city), scatter
them in a favorite location, place them in a columbarium, or
even keep them with you in a decorative urn (of which a wide
variety are available).
Check with your veterinarian, pet shop, or phone directory
for options available in your area. Consider your living situation,
personal and religious values, finances, and future plans when
making your decision. It's also wise to make such plans in advance,
rather than hurriedly in the midst of grief.
8. What should I tell my children?
You are the best judge of how much information your children
can handle about death and the loss of their pet. Don't underestimate
them, however. You may find that, by being honest with them about
your pet's loss, you may be able to address some fears and misperceptions
they have about death.
Honesty is important. If you say the pet was "put to
sleep," make sure your children understand the difference
between death and ordinary sleep. Never say the pet "went
away," or your child may wonder what he or she did to make
it leave, and wait in anguish for its return. That also makes
it harder for a child to accept a new pet. Make it clear that
the pet will not come back, but that it is happy and free of
pain.
Never assume a child is too young or too old to grieve. Never
criticize a child for tears, or tell them to "be strong"
or not to feel sad. Be honest about your own sorrow; don't try
to hide it, or children may feel required to hide their grief
as well. Discuss the issue with the entire family, and give everyone
a chance to work through their grief at their own pace.
9. Will my other pets grieve?
Pets observe every change in a household, and are bound to
notice the absence of a companion. Pets often form strong attachments
to one another, and the survivor of such a pair may seem to grieve
for its companion. Cats grieve for dogs, and dogs for cats.
You may need to give your surviving pets a lot of extra attention
and love to help them through this period. Remember that, if
you are going to introduce a new pet, your surviving pets may
not accept the newcomer right away, but new bonds will grow in
time. Meanwhile, the love of your surviving pets can be wonderfully
healing for your own grief.
10. Should I get a new pet right away?
Generally, the answer is no. One needs time to work through
grief and loss before attempting to build a relationship with
a new pet. If your emotions are still in turmoil, you may resent
a new pet for trying to "take the place" of the old-for
what you really want is your old pet back. Children in particular
may feel that loving a new pet is "disloyal" to the
previous pet.
When you do get a new pet, avoid getting a "lookalike"
pet, which makes comparisons all the more likely. Don't expect
your new pet to be "just like" the one you lost, but
allow it to develop its own personality. Never give a new pet
the same name or nickname as the old. Avoid the temptation to
compare the new pet to the old one: It can be hard to remember
that your beloved companion also caused a few problems when it
was young!
A new pet should be acquired because you are ready to move
forward and build a new relationship-rather than looking backward
and mourning your loss. When you are ready, select an animal
with whom you can build another long, loving relationship-because
this is what having a pet is all about!
(For more information on choosing a new pet and determining
when the time is right, please see Ten
Tips on Choosing a New Pet.)
To Print or Distribute this Information...
If you would like to distribute this information through your organization or company (e.g., animal clinic, pet shop, cemetery, support group, etc.), or if you would simply like to share a copy with a friend, click HERE to download a printer-ready "Ten Tips" flyer in PDF format. If you would like to distribute the brochure, feel free to make as many copies as you like (but please do not make any changes to the brochure). Before printing, make sure that the paper is set to "US Letter" in the Page Layout menu (on some printers, the brochure defaults to "US Letter Small", which won't print properly for folding). To read or print the PDF brochure, you will need a copy of Adobe Acrobat Reader; if you do not have the Reader, you can download a free copy here. If you have any difficulty downloading the brochure, contact
Moira Allen.
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Articles | by | Moira | Anderson | Allen, | ordering | information | for | her | book, | and | a | directory | of | pet | loss | resources. |
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http://www.pet-loss.net/
Pet Loss Support 2008 July
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Articles by Moira Anderson Allen, ordering information for her book, and a directory of pet loss resources.
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